Santa Claus is Coming!
The time of year has come and people all over the world are eagerly awaiting the arrival of a certain rotund and generous man. A man with a penchant for sliding down chimneys and bestowing gifts in socks dangled haphazardly over open fires. A man who chooses to live in the world’s most remote location, but visits everyone on the planet (providing they’re still in his good books) on one night a year.
That’s right, Santa Claus is coming. And we at The WellMan Clinic have a couple of concerns about his health.
Santa, lay off the cookies…
Granted, if we were making and delivering gifts to several million children per year, we’d probably expect something in return. But Santa’s requested dish of cookies and a glass of milk (multiplied by half a billion) is neither good for the waistline nor the heart.
When almost 100% of your yearly employment occurs on one intense evening, it’s understandable that St Nick looks for a little sugar boost to keep his energy up. But consuming that much sugar (and dairy) could go some way to explaining Santa’s ‘jolly’ stomach. Being overweight can lead to high-blood pressure, increase your risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes – and with a high pressure, physical job like his, St. Nick needs to stay in tip-top physical and mental condition to handle it.
Make sure you give Mrs Claus the attention she deserves
It can’t be easy being married to one of the most famous men in the world. You live in a remote location; are probably responsible for taking care of a legion of hard working elves; and have to wait up all night once a year for your husband to complete a high-speed, high-risk mission.
(Let’s face it, those reindeer must be able to fly pretty fast. And we’re betting that sleigh doesn’t come with a seat belt.)
Good interpersonal relationships are hugely important for general health and wellbeing at any stage of life. While the elves might provide important companionship, it’s Mrs Claus who is the source of intimacy and (shut your eyes, children) sex. Now, we would never want to cast aspersions on anyone’s sex life – but given Santa’s unhealthy waist to hip ratio, there is a chance he may be experiencing some problems in the bedroom.
Add to this the lack of vitamin D that comes from living in a location where the sun is out of view for six months of the year and we have to wonder whether Mrs Claus would prefer you leave a little blue pill under the tree than a plate of cookies…
Once a year is not enough
It’s the most wonderful time of the year. But some things should be enjoyed all year round.
Exercise, eating well (carrots aren’t just for reindeer, y’know) and maintaining interpersonal and physical relationships are important ways of keeping yourself healthy and happy. They should be enjoyed regularly.
Whilst on December the 25th Santa deserves a well earned rest, we hope he doesn’t take the rest of the year off. Even magical beings need to take care of themselves – and their wives – if they want to stay raring to go as they head towards old age.
So Santa, please take our advice. Christmas wouldn’t be the same without you. Keep your heart hearty and your wife happy; and make sure to come more than once a year.
But who are we to talk? Having reached the ripe old age of 1,744 years’ old, he must be doing something right.